Gone
by denajeanx
Summary: Amy needs something more from Sheldon. When he's not able to, there are consequences that cannot be reversed. *This is an EXTREMELY dark fic* Not for the faint of heart. Rated M for tragedy/mature themes.
1. Consequences

**A/N: WARNING: As stated in the description, this story is extremely dark. It includes tragedy and is not for the faint of heart. You've been warned, so no flaming! If you don't like anything dark, do not read this. I was listening to Death Cab for Cutie's album "Plans" when I wrote this. As always, I do not own anything.**

**_And I knew your heart I couldn't win_**

**_Cause the seasons change was a conduit_**

**_And we've left our love in our summer skin_**

_His hands slid slowly up her smooth thighs, reaching her bare squirming hipbones and pinning them down to the bed, eliciting a playful laughter from Amy's pink lips. Bright blue eyes hovered above her face just before their lips grazed one another's, while his hands relished the subtle indentations of her ribcage moving their way to her breasts. _

_"Touch them." She whispered, sensing his brief hesitation._

_Expecting to feel warm palms caressing her, she felt something entirely different. Amy propped herself up onto her elbows to see her beloved kissing her chest. His lustful whisper of a voice finally filled her ears. _

_"Do you like this?"_

_"Yes, touch me." Her voice, pleading._

_His hands traveled down to the apex of her thighs to find the bundle of nerves she wanted him to touch so badly for months._

* * *

The sun glistened through the tiny crevices of Amy's blinds, waking her slowly. She opened her eyes to look at her bedside clock. Seven in the morning and alone in her bed. Again. It was a dream. Again.

Without changing her daily routine for the past six months, Amy forced herself out of her bed and into the shower. Standing under the warm water, she rested her wet hair against the tile of the shower wall and sobbed, as time became increasingly irrelevant.

An hour? Two hours later? She had no idea. Amy finally managed to get dressed, late for work. Again.

"This is becoming quite a bad habit, Dr. Fowler." Her superior admonished.

"Sorry." She mumbled, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

Amy just needed to get through this day, knowing she would see Sheldon tonight and they would talk. Maybe hearing his voice would cheer her up. Who was she kidding? He was the reason for her sullen teenage moping.

* * *

"Amy, you're late! The food has been sitting for 20 minutes." Sheldon huffed and walked over to his spot where their respective plates sat on the coffee table.

"I'm not hungry. You can save mine to eat later."

"You really need to eat something, you're looking awfully skinny and pale these days." He nudged her plate towards her.

"I said I am not hungry! And, I should note that is a far stretch from a few months ago, when you told me to lay off the doughnuts!" Amy spat back, crossing her arms like a pouting child.

"Amy, I apologized for that. Is that what all this is about? The way you have been acting lately has been troubling me."

"No, this is about a much bigger issue, which you seem to be oblivious to." Amy's voice raised a few octaves.

"And what's that?" Sheldon put his plate down and stared blankly into her eyes.

"You never touch me. You can't even hold my hand without being repulsed. We are never going to have a physical relationship and I've been trying to come to terms with that. It turns out, I can't." Tears were pricking her eyes now.

"Amy, what are you saying? Do you wish to terminate our relationship?" There was a nagging fear in the core of his being as to what the next words to leave her lips would be.

"Yes."

His heart sank. "Amy, please, you can't do this to me. Please. I need you." Sheldon's voice was pleading.

"I can't Sheldon. I cannot endure this any longer. You say you've been trying, but when is the last time you touched me? She paused for a beat, waiting for his answer but his eyes shot directly his feet. "When?!"

"Six months ago, when we hugged at the end of the summer." His voice was defeated, cursing his eidetic memory.

"Exactly! But, you're trying? I don't buy it." Amy looked around searching for where she had left her bag.

"Amy, please don't leave. I promise I will try harder. Please." His lips trembled and his eyes threatened tears.

"Then, kiss me." Amy countered.

"Amy, you're being unreasonable. I can't."

"That's what I thought. Goodbye Sheldon."

"No. No. No. Please don't leave. We can hold hands and watch any movie you want."

"Why? So we can keep masking this problem? So that you can just skim by to keep me quiet." Amy knew she was being harsh, but she had held it in for months. Sheldon couldn't look her in the eye, she walked up to him, their noses barely grazing and continued.

"Well, let me ask you this then, do you love me?" Amy whispered, knowing she may not want to hear the answer.

Sheldon remained silent for what seemed like an eternity.

"I asked you if you loved me." Amy repeated.

"No." Sheldon's voice cracked as he answered.

Amy felt like her heart had just been ripped out of her chest and stomped on. Tears were clearly evident now, there was no holding them back as she sobbed hysterically.

"I can't believe this. I should have known better. My entire life, no one has ever loved me, why would you be any different?"

"Amy, please don't cry. We just need time."

"No, you need time and I am not going to be waiting for you when you decide to finally grow up. I know that I love you but I can't continue to torture myself with this relationship."

And with that Amy headed towards the door slamming it shut and ran down the stairs, as Penny was emerging from her apartment.

"Ames!" Penny called down the stairs. "Ames? What's wrong?" No response. "Amy!" Penny called again as she started to run down the stairs, just in time to see Amy's car speed out of the parking lot.


	2. Realizations

**_Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole_**

**_Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound_**

**_But while you debate half empty or half full_**

**_It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown_**

Penny flung the door to 4A open, without knocking. She found Sheldon in the fetal position, in his spot.

"Sheldon?" Penny walked over to him slowly.

"Sheldon, sweetie, what happened?" She sat down in the chair adjacent to the couch.

"Did you and Amy have a fight?" Penny asked only to be rewarded with Sheldon's sobs. After a few minutes Sheldon picked his head up off the couch and looked at Penny, his eyes red and puffy.

"She left Penny. She broke up with me. She's not coming back." He said, nearly hyperventilating.

"What happened?" Penny was truly worried, she had seen Sheldon in nearly every state of crazy, this was different.

"She…She said I am not trying to work on my physical affection." He paused for a beat. "She asked me if…I loved her."

"And what did you say?" Penny knew the answer based on the scene that had just unfolded.

"I told her no."

"Oh Sheldon!" Penny pressed her palms to her face. "Does everything have to be spelled out for you? You love Amy."

"How do you know?! You didn't even graduate college!" Sheldon screamed.

"Sheldon, I think I have more experience in relationships than you do. Based on your reaction to her breaking up with you, I would say that you love her, sweetie."

"Really? How do you know?" Sheldon sat up wiping his eyes.

"Well, let me ask you, when Amy isn't here, do you think about her?"

"Yes. I worry about her all the time. We had an agreement to text each other every two hours to ensure each other's safety."

Okay, that's a little much. Next question, can you picture your life without her?"

Sheldon started to sob again. "No, I can't. I need her."

"Sweetie, that's because you're in love with her." Penny rested her hand on his knee. "Come on, let's go to her apartment so you guys can work this out. I'll go get dressed, you go get yourself together."

"Okay." He replied softly and headed to the bathroom.

* * *

"Sheldon, sweetie, let's go. "

"Penny, what if she doesn't take me back? What am I going to do?"

"She'll take you back, she is my best friend, I know she will." Penny soothed.

"Okay, then let's go." Sheldon breathed heavily as they headed down the stairs.

Penny pulled out on to Los Robles, noticing traffic was heavy. "That's odd, it's nearly eight, what's all this traffic about?"

"It is rather strange." Sheldon concurred.

Penny rolled down her window and stuck her head out to see what was going on. A mile or so down the road she could see the blinking lights of emergency vehicles.

"There must be an accident. There is an ambulance, two firetrucks, and a bunch of police cars."

As traffic crept at an agonizingly slow crawl, Sheldon was growing wildly impatient. They were finally approaching the accident, Sheldon sighed thanking a deity he didn't believe in, that they would resume normal speed. He looked at the scene that held them up an extra fifteen minutes and for the second time that night, his heart nearly stopped.

That was Amy's car.


	3. Tragedy and Regret

**A/N: Another warning. This chapter is extremely dark and tragic.**

**_Love of mine, some day you will die_**

**_But I'll be close behind_**

**_I'll follow you into the dark_**

**_No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white_**

**_Just our hands clasped so tight_**

**_Waiting for the hint of a spark_**

Sheldon jumped out of the car and ran over to the scene. Amy's car was barely recognizable.

"Sir, you cannot enter here, it is still an active scene." A police officer held him back.

"That's my girlfriend's car. Please. Where is she?" Sheldon's tears were uncontrollable as he pleaded to the police officer.

"I am sorry, sir. I am not able to give you any information. I can tell you she was taken to Huntington Hospital, so you will need to go there to find out any further details."

Sheldon jumped back into Penny's car, who was still sitting in a state of shock. "Amy." She mumbled, tears pricking her eyes.

"Penny, we have to get to Huntington Hospital, that is where she was taken." Penny continued to stare into thin air. "Penny! Are you listening to me? Let's go!" He smacked her leg.

"Amy." Penny repeated as she slowly pulled out and headed in the direction of the hospital.

* * *

Sheldon ran to the triage desk.

"I'm Sheldon…Cooper. My girlfriend Amy Farrah Fowler…she was in a car accident, she was brought here...by ambulance." He uttered, breathless.

"One moment, sir. Let me go get the Doctor." The nurse looked at him empathetically.

Penny raced into the doors after parking the car. "What happened? Did you find anything out?" Penny asked frantically.

"No, the nurse is going to get the Doctor." Sheldon said nervously pacing back and forth.

"Mr. Cooper?" A voice called from the opening door.

"Yes, I am he." Not even correcting that he was a Dr. also.

"Mr. Cooper, Ms. Fowler sustained great bodily injury during the accident. She was barely conscious when she arrived and lost a lot of blood. As we were trying to stabilize her, she went into to cardiac arrest and we weren't able to bring her back. I am so sorry."

Sheldon's face went completely white as he fell to his knees and rested his forehead to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

"AMY!" He screamed. "No, no, no. This isn't happening. She's still alive, she has to be." Sheldon was banging head against the floor. "My Amy. I can't live without you. You can't be gone. I need you, I love you. I love you. I never had the chance to say it to your face. I'll never forgive myself, never!" Sheldon yelled into the air. Looking back at Penny, he stood up and walked over to her. "She will never know how much I loved her. She'll never know. I can't live without her, I can't."

Penny hadn't moved. Tears were streaming down her sullen face, she couldn't even process what was happening right now.

Sheldon ran out of the hospital doors to breathe the fresh air. Surely, this had to be a dream? He would wake up and everything would be normal again. Wouldn't it? He ran. He kept running until he ended up in front of Amy's apartment building. She would be there, she's not gone, this was a dream.

Sheldon ran up the stairs to apartment 314. He dug the spare key out of his wallet and entered. She would be in her bed. He frantically ran through every room of the apartment.

Amy was gone.

He fell down on to her bed smelling her scent lingering on her pillows. He sobbed into them inhaling the last piece of her that he had. She was gone. She was gone. She…was…gone.

Sheldon laid in her bed for hours until he noticed her diary on her nightstand. He picked it up and read the heart-aching entries over the last six months. She was miserable, because of him. This was his fault. If she wasn't mad, if she hadn't left, if he just told her that he loved her, she would still be here. This was _all_ his fault.

He flipped to the last entry dated today.

**_I've had enough. I cannot continue to cry every day when I wake up in bed alone. I cannot cry in the shower every morning. I cannot be late to work anymore. I have to solve this problem even if it breaks my own heart. _**

**_ I am going to break up with Sheldon. He doesn't love me, he loves my brain. I am some kind of science experiment to him. He will never be able to give me what I need, he will never be able to love me. _**

**_I love him so much that is hurts my heart. That's why I have to let him go. _**

**_-AFF_**

"Amy, I do love you. I just wish you knew." He whispered into the book as tears fell onto the pages. He closed the diary and held it to his chest, ignoring his phone that had been vibrating in his pocket for hours.

* * *

"He just took off running, I don't know where he went." Penny sat on her couch sobbing into Leonard's chest.

"She's gone, Leonard. Why her? Why did this have to happen to her?"

"I know." Leonard rubbed Penny's back as tears fell onto his cheeks. "We really need to find Sheldon."

"He couldn't have gone very far on foot." Penny mumbled into Leonard's chest, as it dawned on him where Sheldon was.

"Amy's apartment. He's at her apartment. Let's go."

The door to apartment 314 was cracked open, no lights on.

"Sheldon? Are you in here, buddy?" A beat. "Sheldon?"

Leonard walked into the apartment looking for any sign of him. Penny stayed at the doorway, she couldn't step foot into her apartment. Not now. It was too much.

Leonard walked into Amy's bedroom to find her diary sprawled open to the date of her last entry, today. As Leonard read through it, he could see the semi-fresh tear stains. Sheldon had been here.

He noticed different writing on the next sheet of paper, it was Sheldon's.

**_I do love you. I can't live without you. I only wish you were here to see that, but you're not. So I will come to you._**

Leonard started to panic. He wouldn't do anything like that. He couldn't. Leonard was not losing two friends in one day.

At that moment, he heard rustling coming from the bathroom and flung the door open. Sheldon, fully clothed and submerged in the bathtub, filled to the brim with water spilling over the sides.

"Sheldon! No!" He grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him out of the water. Sheldon looked to him, gasping.

"Leonard? Where's Amy?"

"You know where she is, buddy. She's not here."

"I can't live without her. I can't. I want to die. Let me die Leonard. Let me die so I can see her face again, so I can tell her how much I love her." Sheldon pleaded, tears pouring down his face.

"We're going to get you help, buddy. We're going to get you help. We will all get through this together." Leonard soothed, as he held back his own tears.


	4. Epilogue - New Beginnings

**_I want to live where soul meets body_**

**_And let the sun wrap its arms around me_**

**_And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing_**

**_And feel, feel what it's like to be new_**

Sheldon pulled up to the cemetery where Amy had been buried. She'd been gone two years but she never left his mind. He didn't attend her funeral; he had never visited her gravesite.

His therapist had encouraged him to do this, but he still felt he wasn't ready.

He walked slowly up to the stone that he knew was hers and fell to his knees, flowers in hand.

"Hi baby." He set the flowers down.

"I know I haven't come to see you yet, but it's been hard. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think about you."

He picked at the grass on the ground, fighting back tears.

"You know, I've been seeing a therapist these past two years. She's really helped me get through a lot. I just want you to know that you made me a better person. Sometimes, I wish it was me that died."

Tears were streaming, as much as he tried to hold them in.

"I love you. I am sorry that I didn't get to tell you, but I do. I just wish I could hold you, I would never let you go and I would tell you I loved you until the day I died."

Sheldon wiped his eyes and tried to regain a normal breathing pattern.

"I am trying to live my life the best I can without you. I know you would you want that. I can't wait to see your face again." He kissed the top of the stone as he started to walk away.

The sun peaked through the clouds for the first time in days, which was unusual for California. A rainbow formed as the clouds dissipated.

"Amy." He smiled. She was watching over him.


End file.
